This started as a list of tips for de-escalating situations with students where there might be a potential disruption, some serious emotional dysregulation, or times when I need to speak to a student after class and one or both of us is still feeling angry. But honestly, I’ve found myself relying on some of these same tips when speaking with parents that come with irrational complaints or inaccurate information. Whatever you can use it for, here you go!
- Stay calm on the outside, even if you aren’t calm on the inside.
- Slow down.
- Give the student a choice between two acceptable things.
- Ask the student, “What would be helpful to you right now?”
- Use positive language–what *should* happen, rather than what shouldn’t.
- Give a little space–physical space, or a little time.
- Empathize first: “I get your perspective…” or “I can follow that reasoning…”
- Listen actively and let them talk without interrupting.
- Use a respectful tone and avoid sarcasm.
- Offer the student a chance to take a short break or get a drink of water, to just have a minute to themselves.
- Reassure them that you want to help.
- Bring in another adult that the child trusts, if it will help.
- Offer a solution, but be open to finding a new solution together.
- Paraphrase what they tell you.
- Validate their thoughts and feelings.
- Move: take a walk together.
- Invite the student to share more about how they are feeling.
- Encourage the student to use an emotional regulation strategy.
- Offer to adjust the way you are doing something that contributes to the problem.
- Apologize if you did something wrong, even if it wasn’t intentional.
- Coach the student through their response, reminding them that they are capable and have done great things before.
- Be clear about expectations.
- Acknowledge where you agree with the student.
- Avoid having to have the final word.
- Walk away.
When these situations arise, it can be hard to remember all the wonderful things about our job, but we have a lot of amazing moments with our students too!
Are there any more you would add to this list?
25 Tips for De-escalating a Tricky Situation